I’m sharing a response I gave in an email today because I feel like I’ve answered this question many times over the years. Take from it what you will…

I was asked:

How does one keep this deep desire to serve and be submissive while protecting themselves in a world which often requires pushing back and being aggressive?

My response: 

Thank you for taking the time to write.

With regards to your question, I feel that the gift of submission should be reserved for those that have earned it. It can be easy to submit too quickly when the opportunity presents itself, especially for people who are naturally submissive. It goes back to that old adage that the submissive is actually the one in control because he can end the game at any time. I think it is important that a submissive recognize that choice does exist and they can end the game at any time. A truly caring and responsible dominant will learn and respect your boundaries and play within them. The pushing of boundaries is exciting and sometimes the thought of having boundaries kills the fantasy of submission for some. They are necessary for a reason. They allow the players to know where the line is. This also allows a submissive to know when they are not being respected. Regardless of your kink, even if it is humiliation, you have a right to have boundaries and self respect. Try to compartmentalize your sexually submissive life from your daily out in the world life. You can be out in the world and “push back” and “be aggressive” if need be, and then save your surrender for a trusted partner.

In short, don’t compromise your self-respect for your kink.

This makes me a little sad when I’m reminded that there are those so eager to serve and please that they give up self-respect.