Sometimes, bearing witness to someone else’s experience can cause a person to take pause and consider his or her actions. This was the case in reading Mistress Candice’s experience with Isabella Valentine’s recording “Rising Fall.” I had one of those “that’s exactly where I am at” moments.

Recently, I have been discussing with a friend here my own desire to experience what my listeners do. To provide a short background…I have only allowed my mentor that helped me to quit smoking to hypnotize me. The only erotic hypnosis I had experienced was my own in the form of self-hypnosis files that I create for myself. Back to the story, I’ve scoured the internet looking for the recording that fits the experience I’ve been looking for. My quest began in looking for a male hypnotist to provide what I was looking for. I downloaded some free files and even bought a few. I always tell people that are unsure of the content of a session to give it an “alert listen” prior to trancing to it if they have reservations about the suggestions or integrity of the artist. I’m quite glad that I followed my own advice. I’m a very good subject and I wanted to assure myself that I would not experience something unexpected or unwanted. I’m not writing to disparage anyone so I will keep the finer details to myself. To make the point clear, I bought a g-string and opened the package only to find boxer shorts. The sessions I listened to either felt presumptuous or did not match the descriptions at all with regards to suggestions. I felt frustrated, to say the least.

When the plan starts to fail, one must adapt. I changed my focus into looking for a session from a female hypnotist and of course, Isabella was the first person to cross my mind. I trust her integrity and incredibly honest descriptions of her files and I know she has a large catalogue for women. I ate up her bandwidth listening to sample after sample, feeling a little dreamy and dazed from the experience. If I had found the file that fit my wants, I’d be locked away for the weekend listening rather than writing. I moved on to other sites and other hypnotists, still searching. I found reservations growing with each description I read, finding myself skeptical of people I have no reason to distrust. I can only conclude that the earlier disappointments of the other files had soiled the journey.

I was really affected by this disappointment. It was hard to figure out why I was letting it bother me so much. The other night, I made a file as a gift for a friend on a whim. I asked this friend if he could trust me enough to listen to the session without me describing it, not wanting to ruin the surprise. Despite the fact that I had left suggestions within the file providing for free will to accept or reject the internalization of the experience and his willingness to trust me completely, I still felt concerned. I do not want to emotionally violate anyone without consent. I was lucky in this case as the file was warmly received.

There is a silver lining in this experience. I was able to take a look at myself as a hypnotist and as an artist and face hard truths. I like to think of myself as someone that has the ability to say when I am wrong…and folks, I am wrong. My history is in clinical hypnotherapy. My clients tell me what they want and I honor the requests with integrity. When I make an MP3 for the realm of erotic hypnosis, I am the one formulating the experience and the responsibility falls into my hands. I know that I have 2 files from my early work that contain suggestions that I once never considered to be necessary to put into a description. I cannot even begin to justify why I have never rewritten the descriptions. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not ashamed of a single, solitary file I have ever put out. Most of them come from an expression inside me and others have been inspired by live sessions and suggestions. I don’t pass judgment on anyone’s fantasies. We have all had sexual skeletons in the closet at one time or another. I think anyone that says they don’t is lying or is seriously repressed. For those that choose to experience taboo fantasies through hypnosis, you deserve better than what I’ve given you in those 2 files. I’m pulling them off the market until I can listen to them and write better descriptions.

I’ll close in saying just this. Embrace whatever makes you tingle inside, provided it does not hurt unwilling participants. Do have enough self respect not to settle for good enough. It is so easy to give the beautiful strong women of the world a pass sometimes when she makes an error in judgment, but it doesn’t mean that she should not have the good manners to apologize. This is my apology. I’ve learned lessons since the production of those two files and have written better descriptions since, but it is time to right the wrong.